creativityfandomcom-20200216-history
Worst Superpowers Ever (Somarinoa)
This page is a list of superpower ideas thought up by Somarinoa, purposefully intended as the worst superpowers ever. Currently, existent Bladderback characters are not listed here, instead considered to be the "most disgusting superpowers ever". None of these powers have been associated with characters as of yet, but as they do get associated with one (and they all are intended to eventually get connected to some ridiculous character), links will be provided. All listed powers will be given short descriptions for the reader's better understanding of what is being described. Powers will also be listed in order of creation. This is an ongoing list and may be periodically updated. Reconstitute Lightbulb Greatest Use: Save money on buying new lightbulbs The wielder is able to concentrate to 'fix' a lightbulb, whether it has shattered or has simply burnt out. Manipulate Curling Greatest Use: Gambling at the Winter Olympics The wielder is able to manipulate the sport of curling, able to slightly alter the course the polished stone will move through intense concentration. This ability affects no other condition or sport, including the related sports of bowls, boules and shuffleboard. Fartomancy Greatest Use: Losing friends? The wielder can cast flatulence-based magic, but must be farting at the time to use the ability. The wielder cannot control when they will fart any more than an average Human can. Locate Feces Greatest Use: Scooping dog poop with ease, avoiding stepping in poop The wielder has the uncanny ability to sense where feces is. This is not limited to specific species and all feces locations are known to the wielder, whether it be elephant or dog or human or dust mite. Emit Radiation (No Immunity) Greatest Use: Dying The wielder is able to emit a powerful burst of radiation; however, they themselves are not immune to the radioactive isotopes and will suffer from radiation poisoning just as much, if not more so, than those who were around them. Brown Noise (No Immunity) Greatest Use: Overcoming constipation The wielder is able to emit the brown noise, which causes all those within hearing range to immediately and violently to vacate their bowels with tremendous force; however, they themselves are not immune to the brown noise and will suffer squishy pants just as much, if not more so, than those who were around them. Manipulate Shoelace Greatest Use: Tying (or untying) shoelaces without effort The wielder is able to manipulate any and all shoelaces in their general vicinity, allowing them to both tie and untie shoelaces with relative ease and without needing to bend down to do so. Shoelaces are unable to do anything a shoelace couldn't regularly do and therefore the power is typically bound towards tying shoes specifically. This power does not extend to similar shoe designs such as Velcro. Sole Tastebuds Greatest Use: Making old-fashioned wine The wielder has tastebuds on the soles of their feet and will taste anything and everything their feet are touching, whether it be dirt, socks, shoes, feces, et cetera. The wielder has no control over these and the tastebuds cannot be turned off at will. State Capital Mastery Greatest Use: Passing a 4th Grade geography test The wielder has mastery over the names of all 50 state capitals, and cannot get the names wrong for any reason. Attract Horny Bears Greatest Use: Rapey zoophilia? The wielder can summon a pack of extremely horny bears, indigenous to the region they are in. These bears are always known to be particularly rapey, but instead of immediately going for the wielder's foes, will focus on the wielder themselves. No Belch Guzzling Greatest Use: Rapidly consume drinks in relative silence The wielder can rapidly guzzle drinks down and will never have to worry about burping afterwards. Frostbite Form Greatest Use: Losing unwanted digits The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form only gives them instantaneous frostbite and no extra abilities or attributes. Frostbite is bad enough to require amputations. Hypothermic Form Greatest Use: Dying The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form only gives them instantaneous hypothermia and no extra abilities or attributes. The user can be saved if warming techniques are immediately undertaken. Shiverlocation Greatest Use: Finding your way about a freezing, dark cavern The wielder is able to use a new sense to find their way around in a similar manner to echolocation; unfortunately, they must be shivering and therefore freezing in order to use it. Acidic Sweat (No Immunity) Greatest Use: Melting into a puddle of fleshy goo The wielder, when sweating under any conditions, excretes powerful acids instead of actual sweat, which can melt through various materials. Unfortunately, this includes the user's own flesh and bone as the wielder themselves is not immune to the acid, either. Immunity to Paper Greatest Use: Collating safely The wielder is completely immune to paper, and therefore can never receive paper cuts. Immunity to Lectures Greatest Use: Going to college The wielder is completely immune to lectures, and therefore will not fall asleep during them. Shed Genitals Greatest Use: Surviving prison? The wielder will shed their genitals during stressful situations ala a gecko sheds its tail. This process is painful and it takes time to regenerate the lost parts. Lost parts will flop around to confuse foes or potential predators. Detect Dust Greatest Use: Being a neat freak The wielder can immediately detect dust. This power serves no other purpose than to let the user know that there is, in fact, dust in a given area. Self Turbulence Greatest Use: Pretending you are on an airplane The wielder will experience at random intervals a sort of "self turbulence", where they jolt up and down wherever they happen to be semi-violently, just as if they were experiencing turbulence while riding in a commercial airliner. Invincible Appendix Greatest Use: Not being Madeline The wielder has an invincible appendix, and cannot suffer from such problems as appendicitis. Grammar Mastery Greatest Use: Being an English teacher The wielder knows the ins and outs of their language's grammar, and will not ever get it wrong. Wordsmithy Greatest Use: Writing stories The wielder has a mastery of the English language and can easily swap out any word for bigger, fancier words in any and all sentences they speak. Raw Hamburger Skin Greatest Use: Horrible suicide at McDonalds The wielder's skin is permanently converted into raw hamburger. Nerve endings still exist. This transformation is excruciating and, most likely, delicious. Stick to Floor Greatest Use: Walking The wielder sticks to the floor like Spider-Man can stick to walls and ceilings. If gravity ever stopped existing, they would be safer than regular people. Pi Mastery Greatest Use: Getting beat up in school The wielder has a complete mastery of pi, and knows the sequence all the way through, in all of its forms. Picklock Boner Greatest Use: Getting arrested The wielder is able to pick locks without extra picklocking tools, but must do so with their own male genitalia, and only when sufficiently aroused. Power Period Greatest Use: Being incredibly gross The wielder is able to fire a powerful, eradicating "blood beam" from their own female genitalia, but only while experiencing their premenstrual syndrome. Cramps are equally ramped up, as well. Taste Sewers Greatest Use: Throwing up The wielder will taste any sewers within a certain radius of themselves, whether they would normally be able to do so or not. This allows the wielder to know a sewer exists in the area. The taste is exactly as a sewer would be expected to taste like. Immunity to Sneezes Greatest Use: Working in a dusty area The wielder is immune to the effects of sneezing, and will not sneeze under any circumstances. Instances where this would be bad still apply. Pepper Sneezes Greatest Use: Alienating yourself The wielder, when sneezing, will sneeze out fine, dusty pepper on any and all occasions. This pepper hovers around the nose and if inhaled again, will lead to another sneeze, which will release more pepper. The pepper cloud is cumulative and can get fairly large if the wielder cannot stop sneezing. Exploding Head Greatest Use: Dying The wielder can cause their head to explode by sheer force of will. There is no immunity to this power's effect and the user will immediately perish. Head explosion has no abnormal attributes such as concussive force or anything and will generally only directly affect the wielder. Exploding Genitals Greatest Use: Dying The wielder can cause their own genitals to explode by sheer force of will. There is no immunity to this power's effect and the user will be in excruciating agony afterwards. There is no regenerative abilities attached to this power, nor is their any other abnormal attributes such as concussive force, and therefore will generally only directly affect the wielder, unless perhaps if performed during coitus. Consume Loved Ones Greatest Use: Causing tragedy The wielder has the uncanny ability to heal their own wounds, but must do so by completely devouring a loved one. The more they love and care for an individual the better healing it will do to them. The wielder does not suffer from any form of emotional detachment during this and will typically be horribly traumatized every time they must perform this task. The con to this power is that their body will not regenerate even the slightest wound on its own, even a paper cut, without the consumption of a loved one. The wielder does not have any special attributes to make consuming a loved one any easier, but must do so while they are raw and the procedure must be initiated while the victim is alive. Fetus Form Greatest Use: Dying The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form is fetal in nature and they therefore revert to their fetal selves. As a fetus they require everything a fetus normally requires and since they are no longer attached to their mother via the umbilical cord, they will quickly starve to death, if the exposure to the elements does not get to them first. Rape Self Greatest Use: Cure for loneliness? The wielder is able to sexually assault themselves. Wielder must be unwilling for the event to occur for the power to take affect. All other problems associated with a rape still apply. Attract Turds Greatest Use: Starring in German pornography The wielder will, at all times, slowly attract feces to themselves as if pulled by a large magnet. The user can keep moving to escape the feces but the feces will never stop being attracted towards them. Super Gullibility Greatest Use: Superb deniability The wielder will completely believe any and every single thing said to them, ever. No matter what. Balsa Wood Form Greatest Use: Dying The wielder is given a new form that they can transform into at will. Unfortunately this form is made out of balsa wood and has the attributes of said wood, including its notorious brittleness. Conjure Fears Greatest Use: Having daymares The wielder can conjure fears, but only their own and only targeting themselves. Inhibited Gag Reflex Greatest Use: Drown-At-Will Greatest Use: Dying and/or getting that attractive lifeguard to kiss you Gluten Resistance Greatest Use: Understand Sponges Greatest Use: Memory Foam Skin Greatest Use: Superhuman Hindsight Greatest Use: Sounding intelligent Glass Brain Greatest Use: Dying Beaver-For-A-Head Greatest Use: Self Charm Greatest Use: Alphabelch Greatest Use: Impressing 3rd Graders The user can belch the entire alphabet in a single burp. Feign Alive Greatest Use: Starring in Weekend At Bernie's 3 The user can pretend to be alive. This only works when the user is actually clinically dead. Invincible Toenails Greatest Use: Ultra Pariah Greatest Use: Dying Rectum of Holding Greatest Use: Battle Spine Greatest Use: Chameleonic Pubes Greatest Use: STD Magnet Greatest Use: Foghorn Fart Greatest Use: Fire Fingernails Greatest Use: Chameleonic Cancer Cells Greatest Use: Dying Trees for Eyes Greatest Use: Super Cornrows Greatest Use: Looking like a total douche Understand Idiot Greatest Use: Tiny Poops Greatest Use: Bad Taste Greatest Use: Ultra Pariah Greatest Use: Dying Retractable Bone Spurs Greatest Use: Category:Somarinoa's Content Category:Superpowers Category:Comedy Category:Original Content